(Post was originally written Apr 13, 2016~just being added to the blog today)
A year ago today I got up and handled the Monday morning the same way as I had been doing over the last several months. It had become our routine. Got the kids off to school. Went and picked up my dad and took him to the clinic for labs and then went out for breakfast at Kunnari's. This had become our regular routine 2-3 times a week. We knew based on his labs from the week before that his end was coming near... however, I didn't know that this would be my last time going for breakfast with him. If I had known, I would have taken pictures, recorded his voice... told him over and over how much I loved him and that he meant the world to me...
These 'breakfast dates' were something I had come to cherish for many years... something I've always treasured. After his retirement we got to do it more often. Sometimes out to eat, sometimes he'd come to my house. Once the leukemia took hold, our 'dates' became more frequent. These last two weeks as I am reminded of all these 'lasts' my heart realizes how much we all miss him. I thought I was going to handle this 'last' week so much better than I have. As I write this, I am sitting in my car trying to get myself to go into Kunnari's to have breakfast alone. I chose to go alone as I wanted it to be a time to reflect on the journey of life. My tears began before I had even left my street and well anyone who knows me... they haven't stopped.
After several minutes of being here sitting in my car, and a quick glance in the rear view mirror at my reflection I've come to two conclusions... 1. I'm probably not going to make it inside for breakfast as my eyes and make-up are a disaster..at least I won't be going in anytime soon... 2. Most importantly I am reminded that life unlike a rear view mirror is not meant for us to focus only on the past. We are meant to look out the windshield and take all the new in. It's not that we are to forget about our past and events and people...it is actually a good idea to look back occasionally, but if we are only focusing on the rear view mirror, we might miss the gifts that God gives us as constant reminders of our loved ones.
I've questioned in life if I would want to have knowledge that my time is coming to an end or not. I've come to the conclusion that it is best to live each day as it is my last... to leave no wished words unsaid, to forgive and reconcile difficult relationships, to never hold a grudge, to say I love you because I mean it... not as a reflexive habitual thing to say. The love of a true friendship is truly the greatest love of all.
...and as a final note and after a quick stop back at home, I think I'll make it inside for a much later than planned 'breakfast'... 😀
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